


If We Made It

by leithvoid



Category: Rocketman (2019), Rocketman (2019) RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 20:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19482997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leithvoid/pseuds/leithvoid
Summary: Taron's not doing well, Richard is helping though.





	If We Made It

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't seen any hurt/comfort like this yet, and I hope no one's gunna be mad with me.

Taron paced around his bedroom for a some time, his mind moving a million hours per minute. He couldn’t focus on anything, it was like every part of his body was filled with energy and needed to be expelled as soon as possible. There were moments of fixation with background noise and moments of chaotic thoughts.

Though there was a common topic all the thoughts could come under. Taron’s mind was set on something dark, and he was trying to fight it, trying to prevent the darkness for taking him and keeping him. Taron had fought off this feeling hundreds of times before but somehow this was different. Maybe it was because it was so loud? Maybe because it was so many people? So many more people, who didn’t like him?

He looked at the door of his room, it was closed but he thought he’d left it open. He shrugged.

Taron walked into his bathroom, closing the door and turning on the shower. 

He looked in the mirror at himself, his hair was thinning, his eyes were dark and his face was worn. He hated looking at himself. There was so much he didn’t like to look at. So much he wanted to change. Anger started to build inside him, but he didn’t know if the anger was aimed at himself because of how he looks or just aimed at himself for letting himself think such things. 

‘Fuck,’ his said through gritted teeth, as tears starting to nip at the corner of his eyes. He hated crying, it made him feel weak. If it was over a happier reason he didn’t care, but this wasn’t something to be crying over. 

Anger still simmering under his skin, he ripped open the top draw of his vanity — almost pulling it off it’s rails — and pulled out a new reusable razor. He looked at it for a moment, he didn’t know what he was looking for. A reason not too? He got into the shower, fully clothed. 

The only thing running through his mind now was the weapon he held in his hand. All the possibilities of what this could do for him. Could it take away the pain? Would it help him? It needed too...

He started to pull it apart under the water, as the blades fell into his hand he clenched his jaw.  _ ‘Remember, you can always call me. When you feel like this, T, no matter what. Call me.’ _ Richard’s voice drifted into his mind for a moment, he shock it away. Richard lied.

***

Taron sat slumped against the shower wall, cold water now running over his body, he couldn’t focus anymore. His mind was foggy, his sigh was slightly blurred, he wasn’t even sure he was feeling anything anymore. He reached up and tried his best to turn off the water. He crawled out of the shower on his hands and knees, his clothes heavy from the water. 

He reached for his phone on the counter sobbing as he did, his body was shaking from the shock of the cold and damage done, his arms burnt — they were weak. Once he slid his phone off the counter he let his heavy body fall to the floor, laying on his back he looked at the ceiling. This was the most comfortable for him.

Taron’s hand shook as he tried to hold his phone to his ear ‘Rich?’ it was hard to speak, his chest so was tight. Taron could hear Richard but understanding, processing his words — that wasn't possible.

'T? What's wrong? Are you okay? Taron?' Richard's frantic voice came through the phone. Taron's hand shaking more now. He couldn’t control it, he felt the darkness around him sink into his skin. It was like he was becoming it, it was taking him.

‘Taron, answer me. Where are you?’ Richard’s voice was the only thing keeping Taron here and present. 

‘Help me...’ Taron’s phone slipped from his head and his eyes began to close. He was letting the heavy shadows finally take it in its hands and hold his very soul. There in the bathroom, on the floor.

Taron’s phone landed on his shoulder and then slid to the floor, Richard’s voice still calling from it. No one could hear Richard’s cries. Into an empty room, it was only Richard who could hear. His voice bounced off the walls like a bullet.

***

It was bright in the room it was small and the window let it a lot of light, maybe more than it needed. It was quite apart from the jarring beeping that came from the left side of Richard. The older man was sitting slouched in a brown leather chair, dark circles ringed his dull blue eyes. He’d not slept in what felt like years. He was worried if he fell asleep he’d wake up and Taron would be gone.

Taron’s last words rang through his mind, never leaving and never becoming dull. The lack of bubble and hope that Taron’s voice had when he muttered those words, haunted Richard. It was like he’d known nothing but those exact words for that exact moment his whole life. It was painful.

Richard sighed, readjusting himself in his chair and rubbing his eyes. He looked up for a short moment, just to check. His chest fell as his exhales, nothing had changed. Taron still lay on the well kept hospital bed, tucked in so nicely. He looked so calm and peaceful. Richard heart squeezed.

He lent over the side of the bed, wrapping his hands around Taron’s. ‘Please come back to me T,’ he said. He rested his forehead on the bed, he tried to keep the tears in this time. He wanted to be strong like the doctors told him, but how could he?

The love of his life was lying in a bed, unconscious. Richard was powerless, he couldn’t wrap his arms around Taron and protect him as he cried. Richard couldn’t draw Taron a warm bath and help him relax after a long day on set. Richard couldn’t sit and watch movies with Taron under a duvet.

Richard couldn’t do anything and it hurt. His blue eyes brunt.

Which Richard tired to dry his eyes on his sleeve he felt a small movement in the hand holding Taron’s. He looked down at their hands and saw Taron’s fingers tightening around his hand. Richard’s face lit up, he stood up. ‘Taron?’ He asked, hoping he wasn’t seeing things. 

Taron’s hazel green eyes looked back at him, though they were not all the way open, they were open enough to know he was okay. ‘Hey,’ Taron’s voice is rough and breaks. He’s not had anything to drink in a day or so. There is a small smile on Taron’s face, the first thing he saw being Richard was special.

‘You alright love?’ Richard asked, trying to hold himself from the excitement. He pressed the nurses button on the small controller to get someone’s attention, they needed to know he was awake for testing reasons. 

‘Been better,’ Taron replied. ‘Glad you’re here though.’ Taron smiled. Richard reacted the same, even though it was obvious why Taron was here, it wasn’t something Richard thought he needed to bring up right now. He was just glad Taron was awake.

‘I’m glad you’re okay, T,’ Richard confessed. Taron knew Richard loved him with all his heart, and Taron felt the same about Richard, but something about Richard saying that struck a string in Taron’s heart. He looked away from Richard, almost ashamed. 

‘I-I’m sorry Rich...’ Taron mumbled, not sure how to even face Richard now. Taron didn’t really remember what happened after he called Richard, he didn’t remember coming here, he just remembered letting the darkness take him.

Richard cupped Taron’s check and ran his thumb over the soft skin ‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.’ Richard spent enough time sitting and thinking about everything to no longer be upset or angry. He was just worried about his sweet boy.

***

After the doctors had given Taron the all clear to head home from the hospital Richard offered to take them back to his own place, knowing it might have been a bit jarring for Taron to go back to his place. ‘Yeah, that sounds nice,’ Taron replied. Taron was slightly out of it still, the drugs wearing off slowly.

‘Anything for you.’ Richard held Taron’s hand over the middle console. Richard tried not to think about the events that lead up to this moment. He just tried to keep his mind on how he was going to look after Taron when they got home. 

‘Do you want to move in with me?’ Richard blurted out. He didn’t think about it for long, but this was the only solution he had to keep Taron safe.

Taron looked at Richard confused ‘What?’

‘Move in with me, I want you by my side every day T. I love you so much and I—’ Richard tried to keep his voice from cracking but he failed. ‘I want to look after you. I know it seems sudden but, I just...’ Richard didn’t even know what he was saying at this point.

‘Okay,’ Taron replied, quietly. 

‘Really?’ Richard didn’t expect a reply so quickly. 

‘Sure, I mean. I trust you with my life,’ Taron said, matter of factly. 

***

Taron shuttered as he entered the bathroom, Richard’s arm around his waist. ‘You okay love?’ Richard’s thick accent lingered. Taron felt tired. His joints hurt, his head hurt, he arms burnt. It felt like his whole body was shutting down. But he nodded. ‘Don’t lie to me T, I’m here to help you,’ Richard said softly, he helped Taron to the chair he’d moved in there. Richard knew this was the outcome of the medication wearing off.

Taron sat, looking down at his hands, picking at his nails ‘I can’t say it,’ Taron whispered. He was barely audible because Richard had just turned on the shower. Taron hated that he couldn’t even admit to himself what he’d done,  _ why did I do it? _ He didn’t know. It was like this power that hovered over him, it had its claws in deep and he wasn’t even trying to get away.

‘T.’ Richard crouched down in front of his sweet boy. Wrapping his hands over Taron’s. He was gentle, he was soft and calm with Taron because he knew how fragile he was right now. ‘Bub, look at me,’ Richard tried. 

Taron shook his head, not wanting to show Richard his tears, his eyes hurt. ‘Can’t,’ he choked out. Richard moved his hands from Taron’s hands, up his arms and wrapped them around his shoulders, one hand resting on the back of Taron’s head. 

‘It’s okay, it’s okay to cry T.’ Richard knew how hard it was for Taron to cry out of sadness. Yes, Taron embarrassed crying when he was proud or something made him happy, but when it was serious and upsetting; he just disconnected. It was hard for Taron to be in front of someone and actually let the emotions be free. ‘I’m not going anywhere, you aren’t going to fall apart, I’m holding you,’ Richard soothed Taron, running a thumb over the back of his head.

Taron shuttered again, letting out a sob. Richard tightened his arms around Taron. The shower ran in the background, almost a perfect sound for the moment. ‘You’re okay,’ Richard repeated. 

After a couple seconds Taron had calmed down enough to get into the shower ‘Rich?’ He asked while he washed his body, slowly taking his time. 

‘Yeah love?’ Richard responded, he was shaving.

‘Thank you.’

‘For what?’ Richard put the electric buzzer down.

‘For being my person, always.’ Taron opened the door to the shower slightly to see Richard. Richard looked at him, those blue eyes so welcoming.

‘Thank you for being mine.’ He smiled in response.


End file.
